I’m a solo mum with two babies conceived using donor sperm

When her marriage ended, Jennifer thought her chances of having a family had ended, too. Then a frank conversation with a friend gave her the courage to explore IUI treatment with the team at TFP GCRM Fertility in Glasgow. 

Jennifer's story

Glasgow-based nurse lecturer, Jennifer, now 38, wishes she could pinpoint the exact moment she realised that having a baby on her own could be an option. 

After her divorce, Jennifer rebuilt her life, with the help of her Mum and close friends. She even started dating again but, the problem was, she couldn’t stop yearning for a baby.  

“How could that be fair on the guys I was meeting?” she asks. “I was judging them straight away as potential fathers.” 

One evening in 2017, whilst having a drink with a male friend, she said out loud what she’d been thinking for some time. It would be ideal if she could have a baby on her own, but she was worried about what people might think.  

Her friend challenged her. “Does it matter what anyone else thinks?” he asked. 

In fact, there are nearly three million lone-parent families in the UK and 84 per cent of those are headed by a lone mother (Office for National Statistics, 2022).   

With her friend’s encouragement, Jennifer took the next step. She started looking at options for fertility treatment, exploring clinics around Glasgow. 

TFP Fertility staff are very familiar with solo parenthood and they knew how to welcome Jennifer.  

“I went on a tour there and it felt right from the start,” she says. “I always felt comfortable asking questions and never felt rushed.  

“And, as a nurse, I noticed that the nurses had taken the time to review my notes before calling me from the waiting area.” 

Jennifer had some initial tests to check her fertility, including one to check her fallopian tubes were clear, as well as counselling to make her aware of all the implications of solo motherhood. 

Then she spoke to the team about the European Sperm Bank. 

“I was sitting outside a patient’s house ordering sperm!” 

“Choosing the right sperm donor was such a big decision,” says Jennifer. 

Eventually (and with some input from close friends and family), Jennifer narrowed down the choice to two potential donors.  

Neither of these two men had a family history of health issues and she liked the voice recordings they had made and their hand-written notes. 

One of the men wrote that he’d welcome a visit from any children if they came to find him in the future. 

“You have to have something to go on and this gave me such a nice feeling,” says Jennifer.  

The clinic advised her to order the sperm quickly, before anyone else chose that same option.  

At the time, Jennifer was working as a district nurse. Which is why, halfway through her nursing round, she found herself sitting in her car ordering 4 vials of sperm.  

Jennifer waited until February 2018 to have her fertility treatment.  

“I’d been in a new job for a few months and I didn’t want to upset the balance of things,” she says. 

“I’m a nurse – but I had to ask my mum to do the first injections."

Jennifer’s body reacted well to the short course of medication, which involved around a week of injections and scans every other day.  She had ovulation induction with Letrozole and low-dose FSH injections. 

“The clinic was really good at fitting my appointments in around my work schedule and was really close to where I worked at the time,” she says. 

She remembers feeling slightly nauseous occasionally, which was probably due to her higher than usual oestrogen levels, and suffered from a few mild headaches, but nothing more.  

In Jennifer’s case, her greatest challenge was the injections themselves. 

“I’ve given thousands of jabs to patients but this felt so different. I felt there was so much at stake and I didn’t want anything to go wrong. 

“Eventually, I realised I couldn’t ask Mum to do all the injections. So, I forced myself to do it and it wasn’t that bad at all,” she laughs.  

When the team at TFP GCRM felt Jennifer’s body was ready for her IUI treatment, they booked her in for her IUI procedure the following day.  

“I just remember seeing the follicles on the screen and thinking, everything is in the hands of the gods now. I was just trying to think positively,” she recalls.  

Having her procedure was like taking her driving test, says Jennifer.  

“You don’t want to tell anybody you are taking the test until you’ve passed it. So, nobody knew apart from my Mum and three very close friends.”

“I asked the nurse twice if she was joking.” 

For Jennifer, the two-week wait for the results dragged on – but then it was time for her bloods to be taken, so the TFP team could confirm if she was pregnant.  

The TFP nurse promised to phone Jennifer that evening, but she missed the call. 

“Girlfriends were messaging me, asking what was happening. I felt deflated,” she says. 

Then her mobile rang again – and it was the TFP nurse with her result.  

The nurse said, “I didn’t want to leave you hanging all night… The result is positive.” 

Despite a couple of minor bleeds, the pregnancy was straightforward. Then Storm Ali arrived in February 2018, when Jennifer was 33 weeks pregnant, and on that same night she went into labour. 

“My boy arrived early, and by C-section, but he was a healthy weight and had a short stay in the baby unit,” recalls Jennifer. 

“When he came, I thought, this is it,” she says. “I felt complete. But as time went on, I realised I needed him to have someone else in case something happened to me. Plus, I knew I had sperm waiting in the freezer at TFP Fertility GCRM.” 

“The nurse was so lovely to me.” 

In December 2021 Jennifer contacted the clinic to discuss further treatment. 

Just two months later, after a medical and a session with her consultant to discuss the implications of a pregnancy following a Caesarean, Jennifer was getting ready for her second round of IUI. 

“I was a lot quicker at giving myself the jabs,” laughs Jennifer. “I was psychologically prepared. There were the same side effects – just mild headaches really.” 

The IUI procedure took place and Jennifer prepared herself for the two-week wait. 

The night before she was due for her blood test, to confirm her pregnancy, her period started. 

“I was devastated,” she says. “I got upset in front of the nurse.” 

Jennifer recalls, “I had a break, had some acupuncture and was taking supplements. I did everything I could to be healthy.” 

At this point, she also considered trying full IVF if the next IUI procedure didn’t result in a pregnancy.  

This was a challenging period. However, Jennifer’s motivation never wavered, though she felt guilty about the extra expenditure to make herself healthy.  

“I had to remind myself that as well as wanting another baby, I was also doing this to give my son a sibling,” she says. 

In May 2022 Jennifer had her third round of IUI - and it worked.  

She told her family and friends the good news after her NHS scan at 12 weeks. 

Her little boy, now a four-year-old, was joined by a baby sister.  

“My colleagues said, ooh, who’s the dad?”

“I guess I felt a bit uncomfortable telling colleagues my story,” says Jennfer. “But eventually, I realised I didn’t have to stress about what they thought.” 

Then Jennifer changed jobs, becoming a lecturer in adult nursing. It’s a job she loves, with a new set of colleagues, and it’s given her the chance to re-think how she handles questions about her family. 

“I don’t tell everyone. I wait for it to come up in conversation – but then I proudly tell them that my kids are donor conceived." 

Her son, now five, confidently tells his school friends that there’s no dad in his house. 

“I always remind him that he also has a sister, a budgie, grandma down the road and so many aunts and uncles – and that they all love him,” she says. 

“Plus, we know some families where the kids were donor conceived. People are starting to realise they have options and that’s a great thing.” 

Jennifer sometimes reflects on the casual questions she’s been asked about her choices.  

“I’ve been asked, is this your child? Do they have the same donor?  Was it a turkey baster?” she laughs.  

With no NHS funding available for a solo mum to try fertility treatment, Jennifer had always been sensible with her finances. 

Even so, the second time round was more of a struggle as she now had to factor in childcare costs for her son.  And if she’d needed to progress to IVF, she notes that she would have needed to take out a loan. 

She took nine months of maternity leave, rather than a full year, after each baby to ensure she could pay her bills. 

But when she reflects on her life choices, Jennifer says she wouldn’t change a thing.  

“My goals and ambitions now are all to do with what I want for my children,” she says. 

“If you’re thinking of going down this path, don’t waste energy worrying about what others may think about your situation.  

“The world is full of different family set-ups and dynamics. As long as your child will be loved and provided for, that’s all that matters,” she concludes.