On Monday 4 December, our beautiful baby girl was born.
Ten million thanks for making our dream of having a child come true. Words are so poor and cannot describe the happiness, joy and gratitude we feel that you gave us the greatest thing to be given in this world. We want you to know that we will always think of you and that our gratitude is infinite.
Our thoughts are with the woman who helped us.
Our thoughts are always full of gratitude for the woman who submitted to medicine and medical procedures to give us the indescribable joy of having a little baby. What a great, selfless and giving person she is.
For giving us what means the most to us. It is charity that should benefit you throughout your life, because what we do for others often comes back to us.
Many thanks also to all the staff
We would like to thank the head physician Hans Krog, the chief physician Ursula Bentin-Ley, the laboratory assistants, the secretaries and the rest of the team at the Danish Fertility Clinic. The whole process, which is of course incredibly complicated, was carried out with exemplary professionalism, empathy, kindness and love in every respect.
We hope and pray that God will grant the Danish Fertility Clinic a never-ending work.
With great love
Stephanie and Nicolas
I know what thoughts are going through your mind. Because I've been there. After several treatments and pregnancies that ended in miscarriage, my husband and I were faced with this possibility: What about egg donation? An option that triggers many thoughts and feelings.
We tried it many times.
My husband and I were, so to speak, undeclared childless. My husband already has a son and I don't, but we wanted more and quickly set about the project of starting a family after we got to know each other. But it wasn't easy. We had several miscarriages - all within the first few months. So we were able to get pregnant, both on our own and with fertility treatment. But no explanation for the miscarriages. We were told I had beautiful eggs, of which there were many despite my age.
We are doing well.
We both lead healthy lives. We don't smoke, our weight is fine and we don't drink. I have tried a lot of good advice and exotic suggestions. For example, I've had special diets, acupuncture and reflexology. I also had my uterine lining checked and went to the Royal Hospital for treatment to prevent miscarriage related to fertility treatment. But the family didn't grow.
What about considering egg donors?
We were frustrated, what could we do! We were asked this question during a conversation with Ursula from the Danish Fertility Clinic: What about egg donation?
I remember that I couldn't stop crying. Tears were running down my cheeks. Because I felt like a failure. To think that my own eggs weren't good enough. Of course, that explained why I miscarried in my early 30s. Since then, I've thought a lot about my reaction. Why was it so hard for me to receive the news that it was probably my eggs that were the problem?
Egg donation is still a taboo.
It struck me that it is still somewhat taboo for women to have eggs that don't work. Donor sperm, on the other hand, is much more normal. We had also talked about how it would be perfectly fine for him if we tried donor sperm if it was because of my husband's sperm. But we had never talked about donor eggs! I hadn't even considered that it could be that the eggs were no good despite being fertilised, that they looked beautiful and that everything was as it should be in the womb.
Can I love the baby?
We rejected this possibility. I had resolved that once my husband had agreed to try with donor sperm, the same would apply in reverse if it came to that. But it's no secret that it still tore me up. Because how would I feel if I were pregnant and the baby was growing inside me? Would I have the same feelings for the baby as if it had been my own egg? And what about the baby, would it perceive me as a mother? Many irrational thoughts arising from the fact that donor eggs are still not common, just as there are still many dogmas associated with motherhood. Despite my many thoughts, we made the decision - we would say yes if there was a donor. I listened to the doctor's words that it would be my child if it succeeded, and I trusted that the maternal feeling would be there.
There is a donor!
The call came. Someone was going to donate eggs to us. Hooray! You don't get to know much about the donor, unless it's a donor you've chosen or a donor who wants to be known. I certainly would have liked more information, but still - when our doctor wanted to go ahead with the donor, it was a sign that it was the right choice. And I remember thinking that if you decide as a woman to undergo treatment and have an egg retrieval done, to donate eggs to a woman/couple you don't know but still want to help, you must have a certain caste. And for me, that was a seal of approval for accepting donor eggs.
The bond with the little life in my womb is getting stronger every day.
I got pregnant after my first treatment with donor eggs. And the pregnancy continued after the first few months. Further proof that the "incubator" worked, and that it was probably my eggs that were standing in the way of our dream of having a family. Of course, the thought went through my mind during the pregnancy: would I feel that this was my child? And would he - yes, it was a boy:-) - see me as his mother! During my pregnancy I felt the connection to the little life in my belly getting stronger and stronger. And I was like a mother-in-law during an arduous birth that ended with a caesarean section. They had to take care of my troll! And when our boy was born - well, he was our son. The mother feeling was instant - lots of big emotions, tears and an overwhelming sense of responsibility.
There is no doubt about it - I am his mother.
Now we are about to celebrate our troll's 2nd birthday. I am his mother. He is my son.
Our great love.
As you can probably guess, we have no regrets about using donor eggs. True, I did not carry a pregnancy to term with my own eggs. Yet, I feel there will be no difference in the mothering experience itself. The difference is probably that I have given it a lot of thought and like to help others who are where we were.
My message: it may not be your egg, but it is your baby that is growing inside you and it is your baby that you are giving birth to. It is you who give life. You are a mother with an M as big as if it had been your own egg.
Now we are going to try again. We were lucky enough to have enough eggs to freeze. And we have no doubts. We will try again and keep our fingers crossed that I will get pregnant and our baby will have a sibling:-)