We need to be more open about male infertility

Dave and Sara’s 10-year struggle to conceive was solved with one simple round of IVF and the ‘amazing’ technique of ICSI.  They have chosen to share their story, so that other men won’t be embarrassed if they also have issues with their fertility.

Dave and Sara's story

Sara, now 37, and Dave, 39, married in 2013 and dreamed of starting a family. But they just couldn’t get pregnant.

“We’d been trying for a baby for over ten years,” says Sara. “My husband, Dave, felt especially low and depressed and it was so hard to see pictures and posts on social media about friends having babies.

“All we wanted was one of our own.”

“We thought that if it wasn’t working, there must be an issue,” says Dave.

The couple had blood tests arranged through the NHS and Sara had a HyCoSy test to establish whether her fallopian tubes were blocked.

“I did find the test painful,” Sara reports. “Although I’m told everyone’s experience is different.”

“The pain is like period pain but more intense.”

When the tests proved inconclusive, the couple approached the NHS to see if they qualified for IVF but there was a problem with Sara’s BMI.

“My BMI was 33 and at the time you had to be 30 or under to qualify. I cut out bad eating habits and started swimming. I really was trying my hardest to get down to a reasonable weight, but it felt as if they were pinpointing our infertility on my weight,” says Sara.

“A nurse at the NHS clinic kept saying ‘you need to lose weight’. It felt quite harsh and upsetting.

“We decided to go private."

At this point, Dave and Sara began looking for alternative options.

Dave says, “We found the TFP Thames Valley Fertility clinic in Maidenhead. The doctor we’d been seeing through the NHS was also a consultant for TFP Fertility, so we felt comfortable with this being our choice."  

At TFP Thames Valley Fertility, more blood tests were carried out on Sara but nothing unusual was identified.

Then, using a semen analysis, it was found that a high percentage of Dave's sperm were 'lazy' with low motility.

Then Dave’s semen was analysed and the count revealed that a high percentage of his sperm were ‘lazy’, with low motility.

“When I finally found out it was me, after being told by the NHS that there was nothing wrong, I felt so guilty,” says Dave.

 “Sara had to go through a lot and maybe she wouldn’t have had to if we’d found out earlier.”

The team at TFP Fertility Thames Valley reassured the couple that when sperm had low motility, a technique called ICSI can be used to select the best quality sperm and inject them directly into the egg.

Dave and Sara investigated the cost of IVF with ICSI and decided to go ahead.

"It's a rollercoaster but you have to stay positive."

The team at TFP Fertility Thames Valley prepared Sara’s body for her egg collection with a short course of medication to stimulate her follicles.  

The couple worked as a team. Dave prepared the medication and then Sara injected herself.

At first, she was nervous. “I worried that the injections would cause bruises or swelling and would be painful,” she says.

“Luckily, I didn’t experience much pain and once you’ve done it a few times it becomes routine and you feel more confident doing it every day.

“I was also anxious about whether the injections would work to stimulate the follicles and how many eggs I'd had.  And would we ever get that phone call to tell us to come in for the implantation?”

Sara’s body responded well to the medication and when her follicles were ready 17 eggs were collected.

The embryologist selected the best sperm from Dave’s sample and injected them into the eggs.

After five days, four of the embryos created through the ICSI process had survived into blastocysts and were ready to be transferred into Sara’s uterus.

“We wondered whether two blastocysts should be transferred into Sara,” says Dave. “But the doctor said, no, I think one will be fine.

“It’s almost as if he knew it would work!”

The couple returned home after the procedure and waited for two weeks before doing a pregnancy test.

On ‘test day’, Sara got up early. Minutes later, she woke up Dave to tell him the news- the result was positive.

“It worked first time and now we have Amelia. It’s been amazing!”

"Men don't talk about it as they feel too embarrassed."

Dave wonders why male infertility is such a taboo issue when it can often be so easily fixed.

“I believe that men don’t talk about it as they don’t feel like a ‘man’ if they can’t produce good quality sperm,” he says.

“My own experience is that I felt guilty knowing my wife had to go through all the years of trying and the heartache of not being pregnant and that it was down to me.

“I would say to other men that if there is any concern, don’t feel any shame, get tested. There are options such as ICSI, which I didn’t know existed until we were there.

He adds, “It's not the best experience having to go into a room and do what you’ve got to do. But the result is worth it. You can also go home and produce the sample, so there are options. You don't need to feel ashamed."

Dave and Sara say that having Amelia has completely changed their lives.

“She is a joy,” says Dave. “We love her and she is our world.”